How to receive a compliment as a singer.

Have you ever done a performance, and then afterwards someone tells you how beautiful you sounded, and your immediate response is:

 

“No. It wasn’t that good.”

 

Do you launch into a detailed explanation of everything that went wrong?

 

Yep. I’ve done this. 

 

🙋‍♀️

 

I have done this so many times. 

 

And I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately because it came up as a question in a workshop I recently taught.

 

Why is it so hard for us to simply receive a compliment? How can I get better at it?

 

I think we often make it much more complicated than it needs to be.

 

So let me give you the way I have come to think about it:

 

A compliment is a gift.

 

When someone gives you a gift, you don't have to agree with everything about it.

 

You don't even have to believe it yet.

 

But you can receive the gift. 

 

And when we deflect a compliment, minimize it, argue with it, or explain to someone why they're wrong…

 

we're essentially taking the gift they've offered us and throwing it on the ground right in front of them. 

 

And when you think about it that way it feels really mean, right? 

 

Not because we mean to be mean.

 

Usually, we're doing it because we're uncomfortable, or maybe we're uncomfortable being seen... we don't want to appear arrogant.

 

Like we're afraid that if we accept the compliment, we'll somehow become full of ourselves.

 

Or maybe we're simply so used to looking for what's wrong with our singing that we don't know how to take in what's right.

 

We singers are really good at looking for what's wrong.

 

If you’re training as singer, just like elite athletes do, you need to have those skills, the discerning ears to keep refining and growing, training, staying in shape, getting better, that can be incredibly valuable.

  

But if you're always listening for what's wrong, you can become really, really bad at noticing what's right. 

 

And then someone else notices it for you…

 

and you immediately correct them.

 

The thing is!

 

The other person is allowed to have an experience of your voice that's different from your experience of your voice. 

 

Both things CAN BE TRUE. 

 

You might feel: “That was a disaster.”

 

And they might genuinely think: “That was beautiful.”

 

Both experiences can exist.

 

You don't have to decide who's right.

 

They're sharing their experience. 

 

And you don't have to turn a compliment into an argument.

 

You don't need to internally convene a panel of judges and determine whether you're objectively worthy of the compliment. 😂

 

You can simply say: “Thank you.”

 

And let it be there.

 

“Thank you.” 

 

You're acknowledging:

I hear you. 

I appreciate that. 

I'm allowing your experience to exist. 

 

And maybe, eventually:

I'm allowing myself to experience that too. With you.

 

And receiving a compliment isn't arrogance.

 

Sometimes we think deflecting praise is humility.

 

But I think there's a difference between humility and self-rejection.

 

Humility says: “I'm grateful.”

 

Self-rejection says: “You're wrong about me.”

 

You can be grounded and receive praise.

 

You can know you're still learning and acknowledge what you're doing well.

 

You can be proud and remain humble.

 

And if receiving a compliment makes you physically uncomfortable, notice that, too.

 

Being seen can feel vulnerable.

 

A compliment means someone noticed you.

 

They heard you, they saw you.

 

And for singers who struggle with being seen, that can actually feel more vulnerable than criticism.

 

Criticism gives us something to fix.

 

A compliment asks us to receive. 

 

So! Here's your challenge this week:

 

For the next seven days:

 

Do not argue with a compliment. 

 

If someone compliments your singing, your appearance, your work, your performance, anything….

 

just say: “Thank you.” 

 

Then notice what happens inside you.

 

Do you feel uncomfortable?

Do you immediately want to explain?

Do you feel exposed?

Do you feel suspicious?

Do you want to make yourself smaller?

 

Don't judge any of it, just notice.

 

That's information.

 

And over time, you're teaching yourself:

 

It's safe to be seen. 

 

This is about allowing yourself to receive a little bit of love, appreciation, and connection when someone offers it to you.

 

So the next time someone gives you a compliment, imagine they're placing a little gift in your hands. 

 

You don't have to explain why they're wrong.

 

You don't have to immediately give it back.

 

Just take the gift. 

 

Say thank you.

 

Let yourself feel whatever you feel.

 

And take that moment to connect with that person, celebrate that moment together and receive their love.

 

I hope that helps!!!

 

If you have other thoughts about compliments or if you struggle with this too send me a message through my contact page and tell me all about it, would LOVE to hear from you!

  

(I go much deeper into this in this week's episode of The Joyful Singer Podcast, “How to Receive a Compliment as a Singer.”  Check it out!)