What Dolly Parton Knew that we all should.
Aug 26, 2026
Maybe you've noticed....there are a lot of voices in our heads when we sing. I know I have!
There’s the voice that says:
“That was terrible.”
“You’re not ready. What if they hear you??”
“Don't try that. You’re going to mess it up.”
“You should be better than this by now.”
But then....sometimes.... there’s a quiet, more helpful voice that says:
“I'm doing it anyway.”
“Hmmm. That felt freer.”
“Let's see what happens.”
“You don't have to get this perfect. Go for it.”
“I wonder what my voice needs today?”
Those are 2 very different approaches.
And which one is leading you can make a HUGE difference in how you experience singing and growing as an artist.
I call the second one your Good Inner Coach.
I talk about this in my latest episode of The Joyful Singer Podcast, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
We all have this belief that the first approach is how we are supposed to operate. It's the way to improve, right?
Throughout my career, I thought that being hard on myself was simply part of becoming a better singer. I didn't know there was another way.
I thought criticizing myself was helping me.
If I didn't like what I heard, I beat myself up over it.
And if someone else knew more than I did?
Well, clearly they knew what was best for my voice.
Eventually, I came to realize something:
I had become really good at listening to everyone else's opinions… and not nearly as good at listening to my own.
That realization ultimately led me to take a break from voice lessons after more than 15 years of studying regularly.
Not because I didn't value teachers.
I absolutely did! And still do!
But I needed to learn how to become the expert on my own experience.
And that meant learning to listen differently.
Turns out...the inner critic isn't the only voice in there.
One of the things I've learned through my mindset coaching work is that we all have different patterns of self-sabotage.
Let's call these saboteurs.
They're the voices and patterns that can take our perfectly wonderful human strengths and turn them against us.
→ Your desire to do things well can become perfectionism.
→ Your desire to make people happy can become people-pleasing.
→ Your desire to achieve can become relentless pressure.
→ Your desire to protect yourself can become fear and avoidance.
And the tricky part?
These voices often sound like they're trying to help you.
👉🏻 Your perfectionist might tell you that it's only pushing you because it wants you to be great.
👉🏻 Your people-pleaser might tell you that worrying about everyone else's opinion is simply being considerate.
👉🏻 Your inner critic might tell you that if it stops pointing out everything you're doing wrong, you'll become complacent.
Here's the question I want you to start asking:
“How do I feel when this saboteur voice is leading me in my day-to-day”
Inspired? Connected? Open? Curious?
Or do you feel tense, ashamed, irritated, anxious, defeated, or like you're somehow not enough?
That's helpful information.
Your Good Inner Coach doesn't push you to succeed by speaking harshly. It pulls you into action through encouragement, inspiration, discernment.... the things that make you feel good.
Your Good Inner Coach doesn't say:
“You'd better do this or you're going to fail.”
It says:
“Let's see what happens.”
Dolly Parton knew something about this.
I've been thinking about her since I heard the sad news of her passing, she has been such an inspiration.
I watched an interview where she said, "I work without fear because it’s fun for me. It’s like, if I fail, it’s no big deal. If something don’t work out, I’m not afraid of failure because, to me, I never feel like a loser, you know, even when I’ve lost, I still, you know, feel like I’m winning because I’m learning some sort of an experience or something that I can use somewhere else. But I have a good attitude, I work hard at being happy. ”
She worked hard at being happy.
She decided to see the gifts in everything, even when it didn't work out the way she wanted.
We all have the ability to do this.
We can decide in any given moment which voice to tune into.
The good inner coach....
🙌🏻 doesn't shame you into action....it invites you into curiosity.
🙌🏻 doesn't demand perfection....it allows you to experiment.
🙌🏻 doesn't tell you that you're terrible...it reminds you that you're learning.
🙌🏻 and perhaps most importantly, it doesn't disappear when things get hard.
In fact, that's when you need it most.
- When you're struggling with your voice... when it's not cooperating.
- When you hear a recording of yourself and immediately want to crawl under the nearest blanket.
- When you make a mistake in rehearsal.
- When you audition and don't get the role.
- When you're comparing yourself to another singer.
That's when you can practice saying:
“Okay. This is hard. What do I need right now?”
Not:
“What's wrong with me?”
Not:
“Why can't I get this?”
Not:
“Everyone else can do this except me.”
Just:
“What do I need right now?”
I have three three tiny practices for you to try this week:
(No pressure here! You don't have to completely transform your relationship with yourself overnight. Start small.)
1. Take a 1–2 minute recentering break.
Close your eyes, or use a soft gaze.
Feel your body.
Notice your breath.
Listen to the sounds around you.
Practice creating space between you and all the noise in your head.
2. Notice. Feel. Tend.
When a difficult emotion comes up, don't immediately try to fix it.
Notice it.
Feel where it lives in your body.
Name it.
Then ask:
“How can I take care of myself right now?”
That's your Good Inner Coach in action.
3. Give your worries somewhere to go.
Try a worry journal.
Set aside a few minutes and let all those thoughts spill onto the page.
You don't have to solve them.
You're simply giving them space to be heard so they don't have to scream for your attention all day.
Then, from a calmer place, you can respond:
“I hear you. I hear your concerns. I've got this.”
The goal isn't to never hear your inner critic again.
She's going to keep showing up.
The goal is to stop handing her the microphone.
Because you have another voice available to you.
A wiser, kinder voice.
A more curious voice.
(AKA Your Good Inner Coach!)
And the more you practice listening for her, the easier it becomes to let her lead.
Best part? That doesn't just change the way you sing.
It can change the way you move through your life.
I talk about all of this- including my own experience with outside validation, voice teachers, saboteurs, intuition, and how to strengthen your Good Inner Coach, and so much more- in the newest episode of The Joyful Singer Podcast.
