When you can’t let go of negative feedback.

Have you ever had someone say something about your singing that you just. can’t. shake?

 

Maybe it was a teacher, a director, a parent, a colleague, a reviewer….

 

Maybe even someone you love.

 

Something like:

“You have a small voice.”

“You’re sharp.”

“You’re too loud.”

 

Or maybe you auditioned for something, didn’t get it, and somehow the story became:

 

“I’m just not good enough.”

 

Sometimes the feedback is useful.

 

And sometimes it’s not.

 

But even useful feedback can land in a way that makes us feel ashamed and then we carry the shame instead of the part that may have been helpful.

 

And that one little comment can stick around for YEARS.

 

The person who said it may have forgotten it completely.

 

But you haven’t.

 

Someone else’s opinion becomes lodged in your head and suddenly it becomes YOUR inner voice.

 

Let’s set that baggage down, shall we?

 

You don't have to believe everything you've been told about yourself.

 

That doesn't mean all feedback is wrong.

 

We need other people's ears.

 

But there is a big difference between:

 

“Someone gave me information about my singing.”

 

and

 

“Someone told me who I am as a singer.”

 

Those are two very different things.

 

And our minds can be soooooo sneaky!!

 

We can take a piece of information like “You were rushing that phrase” and turn it into a declaration about who we are:

 

“I'm a terrible singer!” 

 

If you struggle with these voices, I have a little practice for you:

 

Think of one piece of feedback or comment that you've been carrying around.

 

Write it down exactly as you remember it.

 

Then ask yourself:

 

Is this a fact, an opinion, or a story?

 

For example:

 

Fact:
“The high note is a struggle.”

 

Story:
“I can't sing.”

 

Or:

 

Fact:
“I didn't get the role.”

 

Story:
“I'm not good enough and I'll never get cast.”

 

See the difference?

 

The fact gives you information that you can decide what you want to do with it…the story gives that information a whole lot of extra meaning.

 

And you don't have to carry all of that extra meaning.

 

Then ask yourself:

 

Is there anything useful here?

 

Maybe there is. Take that information and learn from it. Grow from it.

 

And then leave the shame behind.

 

You can take the useful piece without taking the baggage that came with it.

 

And then ask yourself one more question:

 

👉🏻 What do I believe now?

 

Not: what did you believe when you were 15.

 

Not: what did you think you were supposed to believe.

 

What do YOU believe now?

 

Because you have changed.

 

 

And maybe some of those old beliefs have simply expired.

 

You don't have to keep carrying them.

 

This is a huge part of why I do the work I do.

 

I don't want singers to simply learn how to sing better.

 

I want singers to find THEIR voice.

 

🙌🏻 To learn how to listen to themselves.

 

🙌🏻 To stand up for themselves.

 

🙌🏻 To show up for themselves.

 

🙌🏻 To trust their own experience.

 

🙌🏻 To recognize their own power.

 

Because there will always be other voices.

 

Other opinions.

 

Other people's ideas about what you should sound like, how you should sing, what you should do, who you should be.

 

It's not about shutting all of those voices and ignoring all feedback.

 

It's about learning how to become discerning enough to then decide what belongs to you, what is helpful, what can move you forward and help you to grow, and what isn't yours to hold onto.

 

That, to me, is freedom.

 

So the next time an old voice pops up to tell you about what you can't do, try this:

 

1. Notice it.

 

2. Get curious about where it came from.

 

3. Ask what is useful.

 

4. Leave the rest behind.

 

And then come back to yourself.

 

I talked about this in more depth on this week's episode of The Joyful Singer Podcast, “Letting Go of Other People’s Not-So-Helpful Feedback.”

 

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE