Parenting Your Singer Self

 

Imagine this:

 

You worked really hard.

 

You practiced, you rehearsed.

 

You even made the vision board.

 

You did all the things.

 

And then…

 

You don't get the part.

 

Or the audition doesn't go the way you hoped, your performance feels off.

  

And then you have one of those moments where you walk off stage replaying every single thing you wish had gone differently.

 

(You know — the brain highlight reel no one asked for.)

 

So here's the question:

 

What happens next?

 

What do you say to yourself?

 

Because I think many of us assume our biggest challenge as singers is technique.

 

Or feeling confident.

 

But I think the biggest challenge is actually the relationship we're having with ourselves ALL day long.

 

There is this inner conversation running in the background, sometimes quietly, sometimes forcefully:

 

"You should have done better."

"You embarrassed yourself."

"See? You're not good enough."

"You should know this by now."

 

 

And, we often don't even notice it happening because we've gotten so used to it.

 

It's like background music playing in a coffee shop.

 

You don't hear it until suddenly someone points it out.

 

And then you're like:

 

"Wait… have New Kids on the Block been playing for the last 45 minutes?"

 

I'm dating myself. 😉

 

That's what our inner dialogue can be like.

 

We stop noticing the way we're speaking to ourselves.

 

This is something I talk about on this week's episode of The Joyful Singer podcast:

 

We are each and every one of us parenting ourselves all day long.

 

Every day we are coaching ourselves through: Mistakes. Embarrassment. Fear. Disappointment. Failure. Risk. Success. Growth. Life.

 

The question isn't whether you're parenting yourself.

 

The question is: What's your parenting style?

 

Because there are moments when that inner voice becomes very conditional:

 

"Once you improve enough..."

"Once you accomplish enough..."

"Once you finally get it right..."

"Then you can feel good about yourself."

 

But wow... what an exhausting deal to make with ourselves.

 

And truthfully, the finish line keeps moving.

 

There is always another goal, another audition, one more thing to fix.

 

We unknowingly get stuck there, believing love and approval have to be earned.

 

Believing we become worthy after we accomplish enough.

 

But imagine for a second a child came to you after trying something scary and said:

 

"I messed up."

"I failed."

"I wasn't good enough."

 

You wouldn't say:

"Well obviously. Work harder."

 

You'd probably kneel down and say something more like:

 

"I know you're disappointed."

"I'm proud of you for trying."

"Come here."

 

You already know how to do this!

 

You already have empathy and compassion.

 

You already know how to nurture.

 

You do it naturally for the people you love.

 

The invitation is simply:

 

Can you begin offering some of that to yourself?

 

This week I shared an exercise in the podcast that I love:

 

Find a childhood picture of yourself.

 

Choose a picture that captures your spirit, your essence.

 

Spend a little time looking at it this week.

 

And ask:

 

What do I notice about this person? What of this little person's essence comes through?

 

How would I speak to them?

 

What do they need from me?

 

Because that little person isn't gone!

 

You're still you.

 

And you know what? Maybe your singer self doesn't need more criticism.

 

Maybe what they need is someone in their corner.

 

Someone saying:

"I've got you."

"We're learning."

"We're okay."

"Let's keep going."

 

I go much deeper into this in this week's podcast episode:

 

Episode 10: Parenting Your Singer Self

 

Inside I share:

 

- Why we all have an ongoing "inner parenting voice"

 

- How harsh self-talk often disguises itself as motivation

 

- Why shame and self-criticism can become automatic

 

- The surprising lesson I learned while navigating Lyme disease

 

- How conditional love quietly shows up in our relationship with ourselves

 

- Why empathy may be one of your greatest untapped superpowers

 

- How working with a childhood photo can help you reconnect with your essence

 

- The difference between analytical thinking and compassionate wisdom

 

- How to begin developing a more nurturing relationship with yourself as a singer

 

Listen HERE.

  

And if you have thoughts on this, I'd LOVE to hear from you! Shoot me a message!